Par for the Course

Life is a great blessing. We are all truly blessed in our own ways. Some of us wish to express those good fortunes so that maybe we may begin to understand them ourselves. I’ve felt that way many times. It is as if shedding light on the bit of truth that only you understand will allow it to solidify or manifest.

I recently had a meeting with an established industry figure. To get a reply I sent a message listing strengths and weaknesses. I always attempt to list more weaknesses than strength. I believe it speaks to transparency and strength of character. I listed a weakness as having the propensity to go at it alone or have a me against the world attitude, which obviously doesn’t work in the world of real estate to certain extents.

I reflect on that often: how did I get there? It is not all a bad thing but an attribute that is challenging to sell in a realm that mandates the power of team. That is true but there are always outliers that somehow, someway, pop in to do small things with huge impacts.

My reflections took me back to a corporate golf function long ago. It was a team event and there was tension in the air when we were given the team selections. I was given the greatest honor. My team was me, an average golfer, and three administrators without any golf experience. If you have me a brush I could paint the picture of us meeting at the practice green. We were all smiles and we were going to give it our best. The other teams might as well have had a one golf pro each in addition to the corporate golf types.

I remember this day with such clarity because I am very proud of my attitude. It was quiet and disguised with many laughs and smiles. But down deep I was thinking “ok, guess I gotta show these muthafuckahs what I’m about.” I can hang with the G’s and swing from the T’s!

I remember when I was 13 or 14, my father, oddly, a man of few words, came home one day and said: “son, you should learn how to golf.” It was this great adventure we went on together which was somewhat strange because he didn’t golf. He took me to the Navy gold range store and bought me a set of clubs and a bag. He rented a couple of instructional videos and we got to it. We went to the range a few times a week after work and golfed on the weekends. We walked ever course and never used a cart. I think he just wanted to get some great exercise and watch me play. When we went to the driving range he sat back and never said a word. I remember it like yesterday. I see the gleaming lights of the nighttime range. I can smell the cut grass and hear the golf balls banging off the range pick-up cart cage. Those were some great times. I can close my eyes and be there. We didn’t speak very much but we were together. It was so beautiful.

My studies and work didn’t always allow me to play but that time gave me the skill which did come in handy. I don’t even own a set of clubs anymore. I find myself wanting to get back to work when I’m on the course.

I wish I could say that the Admins and I were the comeback story of the century. We had the worst score of the event but I received three things that day.

First, I was blessed with the understanding that I was always going to be responsible for my own outcome. It was always going to be up to me and no one else. To make it in this industry I was going to need to be ultra creative and let go so the puzzle will begin to orient itself. I was blessed with this powerful truth and I am so appreciative because of it. I was given the truth that my attitude superseded the game or any notion of a game or competition. In my world those things would not matter. It was up to me to chart the course and understand that there is a fit out there and whatever it is, it is going to be huge because of the odds and adversity. I never worry about those things.

The second blessing was I earned my own self respect. I was so proud of myself. I never once moaned or complained and I remember telling my team: “well shit, looks like you’re all stuck with my ass!” As I think back on situations like this in my life, I recall blasting through these circumstances without flinching. I also remember having the sort of anti-thought like “wow, I should really be complaining about this.” Or, “isn’t this something legitimate that I could justify having a small gripe?” is it strange that the way that I question myself is wondering why I am not complaining or even if I should. Maybe I complain but in a different way. I think that is an element where I am still learning about myself. On the other side of the coin, when something goes right, I ask: “should I celebrate this a little more?” “I feel excited but I still need to be wary.”

The third blessing was the most important blessing of all. For the losers wielding the lowest score, our team members were each presented a fabulous golf umbrella. I presume the umbrella was a means to shield oneself from the tears of complete defeat and humiliation in addition to hiding from the endless spittle generated from your colleagues laughter.

That umbrella is oversized, well crafted, and durable under many conditions. I still have it and use it to this day. The umbrella has a canopy designed with wind flaps so it doesn’t turn over. That so called monument to failure has kept me dry from head to toe in some of the worst downpours and gusting winds. That giant span has allowed me to assist people including an elderly lady get to a dry and safe place. I receive compliments every rainy season.

This event was not an example of optimism, or the silver lining, or even finding the best in everything. For me, this event was finding that raw diamond deep in the fractures tectonics of the Ozarks.

What I remember most was our team having a great ‘ol time. Although I was under some pressure to “show the man” (whether totally imagined in my own mind), our team had fun playing a round of golf together. That event was meant to bring people together and we did just that. People forget that those lowly admins run stuff and those are your friends, not the guys in the glass towers. Hell, that golf game Eventually got me awesome tickets to a Lakers championship game and I took my Pakistani co-worker, who was basketball crazed but never went to a game. Imagine that, your first game is game 5 of the conference finals to seal the deal to go to the championship.

What is most interesting is that I know exactly who lost that beautifully sunny day playing golf with my team, we did. What I don’t remember is who had the best score and won the tournament. I’ve reflected on that moment and realized that it didn’t matter; We all won.